Tokyo - Day 10

I can only describe it as it was describe to me. It took considerable searching to find any document in English to support what I first found to be an incredible truth. But, it is, true. I may never use chopsticks again.

Today I met up with a friend of mine; Ken, and my first Japanese teacher in Melbourne; Sayaka. Sayaka is a very, very good teacher but unfortunately for me she left Melbourne too soon. I'm grateful for the opportunity to meet her in Japan, but not necessarily for the custom that she has introduced me to.

Let me start by going back a couple of months. It's become my own custom to enjoy lunch at my desk at work by eating some Katsu Don. Katsu Don is a traditional Japanese dish (traditionally prepared, in Melbourne, by Chinese people). It is a bowl of rice, topped with a crumbed pork cutlet, and an egg. It is, when cooked properly (ie, by Japanese people), thoroughly delicious. One day I happed to stand my chopsticks up-right in my bowl of Katsu Don. When my boss caught me doing this, he proceeded to explain to me that if I did this in Japan, it would be thought of as extremely rude. I asked him to explain why, but at the time he didn't know exactly why, but just warned me not to do it.

Tonight, I asked my Japanese friends to explain this concept. I started by sticking Sayaka's chopsticks up-right in the middle of her bowl of Katsu Don (I had already finished mine), and asked her to explain why this was rude. She prompty removed them, telling me that she couldn't even bear to look at it. I apologised profusely, but asked her why. The information that came to me after this made me feel sick to my stomach.

I could never, and will never, judge another culture as wrong or right (see Yasukuni), but the following concepts, wehther wrong or right, made me feel rather disjointed. I regret that they did, but this is simply the way that I felt and I cannot deny it.

First, and not very disturbing, is the answer to my original question. In a traditional Buddhist funeral, a bowl heaped over with rice is offered to the departed, with two chopsticks standing upright in the centre of the bowl. As a result, when eating any ordinary meal, you should never rest your chopsticks upright in the centre of your own bowl. To do so is akin to a Christian woman wearing a black veil anywhere but to a funeral. Imagine seeing such a woman wearing a black veil to the grocery store. It's just a little bit too strange.

But, my teacher did not stop there and proceeded to explain a second Buddhist funeral ceremony. While I thank Sayaka for not sharing this with me while I was eating, I had still only just finished. I'm not really adverse to the practices of another culture, but this one was so... different... that it made me want to remember my delicious Katsu Don experience in the bathroom, in reverse.

I need to take a moment here before I can adequately explain this next ceremony as it was explained to me...

A second Japanese custom that is extremely offensive is the touching of two pairs of chopsticks. Say, for example, your friend offers you a selection of meat at a Japanese dinner. For you to collect such an offering with your own chopsticks is incredibly rude and disturbing to the Japanese people. "Why?", I asked, completely confused as to how such a thing could be considered anything but like offering meat from a fork to a another fork or a spoon. Well, it goes as follows...

In very traditional Japanese burial ceremonies, the departed is cremated to a point that the majority of their bones are still present, and not completley incinerated. As a group, the family and close friends of the departed will sit around the ashes and pick the bones out of the remains, starting with the lower bones and moving to the upper bones of the body. This is to ensure that the deceased is placed upright in the urn. The bones are passed around from one pair of (special) chopsticks to another, and then eventually passed into the urn by the last member of the ceremony to receive them. The last bone is typically the bone of the Adam's Apple (or whatever the equivalent bone is), which is held in a higher regard because it resembles a "little buddha".

This ceremony is very sacred and extremely solemn for the Japanese people, and my friends have both taken part in such a ceremony. I used the word 'traditional', which should not for a moment be confused with 'uncommon'. Personally, I consider myself a devout Athiest, but I have no reservations in celebrating the cultures of various religions. Recently, I was priviledged to take on the role of Best Man in a very Baptist wedding, and I greatly enjoyed the experience and opportunity to honour my friends in the culture that they were accustomed to. However, I am not sure if I could ever take part in a ceremony such as this.

But this is the point, this is Japan, and this is travelling. I wanted to open my eyes to the various and varying cultures of the world. And this has certainly done just that.